Friday, December 28, 2007

Goodbye Christmas

Christmas has come and gone for another year. Every year since my mother died I swear I'm not going to celebrate Christmas again. This year was pretty close. I didn't get my tree put up and only set a few Santa's out (in her memory) We celebrated Christmas on the 23rd because that's when two of our kids could come. My husbands family doesn't exchange gifts because they don't have the money. However, his brother & wife decided to give us a gift,which I didn't accept. I don't know if they were trying to appease their guilt for various things or if they were just trying to look better than us. What ever the reason, I don't want any part of it. We went to my brother's for Christmas Eve. Pressed chicken sandwiches on homemade buns, and oyster soup in the white bowls that Grandma Reardon used to use for the very same purpose, and my mother after that. It was a good evening. My gifts to everyone this year was a photo album of pictures I had taken at the folk's house right after we sold it and before any of the furniture was taken out. I felt that we all needed a reminder of where a lot of our good times were spent. Getting pictures re-printed is rather expensive but it was worth it. Christmas day I worked and then our other child and his girlfriend came to celebrate that evening. They surprised us with the fact that they are engaged. I am so happy about that. After his disasterous first marrage I wondered if he would ever venture into the Marriage pool again. They are talking about getting married next September.....two weddings in one year! Wow!!
Guess that will be a different story.
Anyway...more snow it Kansas and pretty chilly.
Merry and Happy. Colleen

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Death of a great man.

It seems that the stars are aligned against me lately. Bad luck and disappointment follow me everywhere I go. On November 6th, my dad passed away at the ripe old age of 81. He lived longer than any of his male ancestors lived. He used to always say he wouldn't live pass 60 because everyone else had died young. Guess he showed them! His last few years were not good. Living in a nursing home, not able to communicate or take care of yourself is not living. He wasted away and was not the man my brothers and I loved and admired. That man left us a long time ago. We all miss him greatly, but are glad he is finally at peace and once again beside his Princess where he belongs. I'm so glad that I was able to tell him how much I loved him and be by his side until his last breath. I missed that with mom. She slipped away from us, in the middle of the night. No time to tell her goodby or tell her how much we loved her. I feel cheated by that. Anway, now I feel like an orphan. I don't have a mom or a dad. Your life just isn't the same when they are gone. You are now on your own and no one will ever love you as much as they did. It's a sad and lonely place to be. Life goes on, but some days, I just don't want to be in it! Colleen

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Death...are you ready?

Death....not a word most of us like to say, let along talk about. The truth is, we all die....there's just no way around it. For some, it's a blessing but for others it's a tragedy. My friend's 34 year old daughter died last week. It was unexpected, so it was a tragedy, although some might say it was a blessing after so many years of not being in the best of health. She wasn't ready to go...she was looking forward to many years of helping others less fortunate than herself and being there as her parents grew old, so she could help them out. Now her parents are left without a child (she was their only one). They won't have grandchildren. Their branch of the family ends with them. So sad. Death can be so cruel. Why take a 34 year old that had something to offer this world instead of some drunk or druggie that doesn't seem to be any benifit to this life? Who can understand? I guess it's GOD's will, but sometimes it just doesn't make sense. Tammie was coming out of the clinic, after a check up. She was with her mom and they were talking about what they were going to be doing in the future. Tammie was so happy to finally be going back to full time work and starting a new job on top of that. She was as happy as she had ever been. Her mother said one minute she was talking and the next she just fell over the front of the car and slid to the ground. She was dead in that instant. The doctors and nurses did all the usual things...CPR, airway and defib. but she was gone, just like that. No time to say goodbye. They speculate it was a blood clot possibly caused by her recent surgery, but that will go to her grave and they will never have the answers; kind of like when my mother died. Just sudden and no answer as to why she died. In my case, it leaves me with a feeling that there will never be any closure to her life, because we don't know what caused her death. It's kind of like an unfinished book, the story never ends.
Now, on the other hand, my uncle Roland died a couple days after Tammie. He was 80 years old and suffered from Parkinson's disease. He was ready to go and I'm sure his family looked at his passing as a blessing although I know they miss him and are sad that he's no longer with them. It's like my poor dad, sitting in a nursing home, dad after day, not enjoying life....just living. Maybe he understands more than we think but he can't communicate, so we don't know. He's just wasting away...just a shell of the man he once's sad and it's hard for us to deal with. Some day we will be glad that he has been released from this life and it with his "Princess" once again, but we will be sad because he's gone.
hummm....Dealing with death in Kansas. Colleen

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Rude People

Why are people so rude? Is it because they were raised by rude people or is it because they are just stupid and don't know any better? No wonder everyone is so crabby.....dealing with rude, stupid people.....bahh!!!! Colleen

Friday, July 27, 2007

Exhale in Kansas

Nephew Chris called his dad last night. He is ok....again! I can give a big sigh and start all over again. At least this day is going to be a good day for me! Hugs, prayers and lots of love to Chris in Iraq!
Happy today in Kansas. Colleen

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Waiting for news

"waiting is the hardest part" Haven't heard from nephew Chris for awhile now. I don't think his mom, dad or sister has either. I can't describe the feeling I have, just waiting for someone to say they have heard from him. It's kind of like you are holding your breath, for days and days, and when someone finally says they have heard from him or he posts something on his blog, you actually feel the relief, like finally breathing and letting it all out. I want that feeling right now. Someone once said that no news in good news. I don't agree with that at all. When you have a loved one in the face of danger every day, like our troops in Iraq, no news could be bad...very bad.
Waiting to exhale in Kansas. Colleen

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Marked person

I am, officially, a marked person. I have a tattoo!! What!!?? Yes, that's right. I have a tattoo. I know it's hard to believe for those of you who know me. What would possess an almost 52 year old woman to do such a thing to her body? I don't know if I really have a good answer for you, but it's good enough for me. It's my memorial to my mother. I have been thinking about doing this for a long time now, but just kept putting it off because I just wasn't sure. Well, I was finally sure, so on July 9th, 2007 I let this funny little guy stick needles into my wrist, thousands of times, over and over again, using several different colors of ink. It took about 20 minutes, and before you ask, yes IT HURT!!! Don't let anyone tell you different. It's kind of like getting stung by a thousand bees, over and over again. I guess it just depends on your tolerance for pain. And it's true what they say....once you get one, you are hooked. I'm ready to go back! It was actually a mother/daughter experience. Ashley also got a tattoo on her ankle. She too is ready to go back. Not for another one, but to add to the one she got. It's crazy!!
When it's my time to leave this life, people will know that, if nothing else, I loved my mother. Just look at my right wrist. Tattooed in Kansas. Colleen

Wednesday, July 04, 2007


Happy 4th of July to every red blooded American. Get yer' firecrackers cracking and your sparklers sparkling and don't forget your bombs bursting in air! Me...I have to work, which if you think about it, it's not that bad. I get paid time and a half and that's what everyone strives for.....more moolah!! Also, it doesn't hurt that it's going to be pretty hot outside and I get to sit in air conditioned comfort! Yeah for America...the land of the free and home of Japanese AC!!
Keeping cool in Kansas. Colleen

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

This and That

It's a wonderful day is Kansas. My nephew called his dad last night about 11:30. Another big sigh of relief from all of us. He said they had been to a shopping area in Baghdad that reminded him of Georgia. It's amazing to think that after all that's happened over there, that there could still be any kind of normal life going on. Guess the people are used to all the bombings and are able to eke out bits and pieces of a normal day to day existence. I just can't imagine! Anyway, what's important today is that Chris was ok, again.
The days are quickly winding down....only 4 more days until our sale. I talked to my aunt yesterday and I told her the hardest thing about selling the house and then having to go through this sale is that it brings an end to my parents lives. As long as that house was standing there, with all their belongings still in it, it was like they were still there. It's hard to explain my feelings, but it makes me sad. It's been a very stressful period in my life and I guess it's time to let go. She said that we will always have the true.
Sad in Kansas, but glad to be in Kansas. Colleen

Thursday, June 28, 2007

News from Chris w/ picture

Chris has a new entry on his blog today....with a picture. I was so excited I about peed my pants. I called his dad right away to tell him. He didn't know yet because he didn't have time to check the blog before he went to work. He was so happy to know that Chris was able to post something. WE ARE ALL SOOOOO HAPPY!!
I have never understood just what was going through Chris's mind when he enlisted in the army, but then Chris has always marched to a different drummer. He has always been the one for adventure or more easily put, jumping in without looking. I wonder if he ever thought about where he might end up, with a war just starting in Iraq? That's something I'll have to talk to him about when he comes home, safe and sound. My mom used to say he lived his life growing up, "going hell bent for election" (not really sure what that phrase meant but she used to say it all the time. Just like my dad used to say "hell's bells" (that's even an odder thing to say!) Anyway, I'm going to have a good day, no matter what else happens.
Happy and sappy in Kansas.. Colleen

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

News from Chris

Hey, it's a great day in Kansas. Never mind the heat and the humidity! Chris called his mom last night! Talk about a HUGE sigh of relief. I really worry when no one hears from him for several days. I realize it's sometimes hard for him to get near a computer or phone over there is B-land, so we just sit and wait, just like thousands of other family members all across the USA. I don't know what he's been doing and it's probably best that we don't know becuase we would worry just that much more. We just pray for him and keep thoughts of him close to our hearts. Can't wait for him to get home, safe and sound.
Everyone needs to pray for all our men and women in Iraq, whether you approve of the war or not. They aren't the ones that started it all...they are just doing their duty. Support them and keep your negative comments to yourselves. I'm behind them all...100%.

Friday, June 22, 2007


Hi to anyone checking in here. I'm finding it very hard to keep up with this, 2 email accounts and now, a MySpace. I'm not sure how to run that last one at all. Guess I'll have to get instructions from my older son. To update you on my life, nephew Chris is once again in the land of Baghdad. I hate that he's over there, but it was his choice and I have to support his decision. He has always been a "go-getter" and one who takes life by the horns. Nothing scares him...he's always been the adventerous type. I think about him everyday; the first thing in the morning and the last thing at night. I continue to send loving thoughts and prayers his way, several times a day.
Since my last entry, I have been blessed with a new grandson, Sawyer Brady. He actually turned 1 in February. He is so different from his older brother Grant (who,by the way will be 6 in July!) Sawyer is more outgoing, while Grant was more reserved. Sawyer is like the Tazmanian Daredevil.....whirling around like an out of control top! He has boundless energy and always has a smile. My biggest wish is that we could see more of him and his brother. They are both growing up and don't hardly know us.
My daughter Ashley is getting married next April. That is going to be a huge thing for me. Having both boys get married was nothing compaired to a daughter getting married. I'm thinking the banker is going to be seeing a lot of us.
I stated in my first post that I have many pets, including a very old horse. Well, this past February, we had to put my old Sandy down. I'm not really sure how old she was...over 30...
but she had a good long life. I miss her...there will never be another like her. But, I figure she's in a better place now....with her baby girl, Bourbon, who died a few years before her.
It's hot in Kansas....It's boring in Kansas....but Kansas is where I'd rather be! See ya'